Why Ulquiorra Tho?

So one day, I was browsing my Facebook page because I have no life what so ever. I saw that a page on my

news feed was called:'360LiekScope666'

I never remembered liking a page called that.

I clicked on it, and as you can see from the totally not photoshopped screenshot, they posted things about liking the page, and about how they'll donate to charity. However, I did this, and all of a sudden there was a loud 'CRASH' was heard. Someone had posted something through my mailbox the moment I liked one of their posts.

'What a strange coincidence.' I thought.

I went to my letterbox, only to find a box with a letter on top of it which said:

'Thank you for liking our page, we are now one step closer to eradicating all the diseases in the world. We thank you for you're time and you're patience.~360LiekScope666

'What a strange coincidence that they knew my address...' I thought.


The Ouija board that came through the letterbox.

I opened the box, only to find an Ouija board inside. FUCK YEAH!

I immediately turned off all of the lights in the house with only the light from the laptop so I could at least make some things out. I saw that there was an Illuminati symbol at the top. But it wasn't green so it didn't count as Illuminati. Or maybe it does, I'm not an expert, go ask Morgan Freeman, he's deffo in Illuminati M8.

Sorry about my tangent.

So anyway, I started to use the Ouija board, and called out:

'If thar be en e fookin' spirits show thy selves!" I realised this was a massive fucking mistake as the board spelt out:


Who was Daeton?

"Who de fook r u?" I said


Oh shit.

All of a sudden, hyper-realistic blood started to pour from the eye of the triangle, the room turned into static and thunder could be heard. The room started to spin, something was emerging from my laptop.

One of the characters from the cover photo. He had bludd red eyeze, a dark grey hood covering his head, and no other features could be seen inside the murky abyss in da hood.

"YoU'vE mAdE a MaSsIvE mIsTaKe YoUnG MoRtAl." It was strange how he was calling me young, as his voice sounded like a nine year old's. But he was probably a 457482 year old demon who decided he wanted a child's voice. (Paedophiles are everywhere I swear...)

He summoned a Gawd Sword with Shapness level 9000000000000000001 and somehow added a lighting effect. He struck me with it and said:

"ThAtS wHaT yOu GeT fOr HaNdInG mY TeN StAcKS oF dIaMonD LiEkS tO tHrEsR PeEeEple."

He dissapeared back into the computer. Then at this moment, I am shitting out my intestines. I realise that by liekig their posts, you don't cure ebowler, you get ebowler. This is such poetic justice. I urge you to join his death cult and praise Lord Jashin and his deciple Ebowler-Chan. It is the best thing I could have ever done.

Kill yourself, save the world.

I'm died.