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THE LAST ONE. Burning Torrent and Gordon Ramsay Travel to Pen Island

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BTFucksUpNandos

BUT THEN, THE HIPSTER NATION ATTACKED.

It was January the 31st, and it was BurningTorrent’s birthday.

She decided to spend it looking up Erisol pronz, UNTIL… Fanfiction.net and AO3 were DDOSSED.

‘Well fuck, time to browse Trollpasta.’ She thought to herself.

When she accessed that site however, she noticed that the message at the bottom stated:

‘Quoth the server, 404’ Was everything blocked?

She tried various sites; Facebook, Youtube, PornHub, Tumblr, RedTube, NormalPornForNormalPeople, PornHub, ElephantTube.

None of them worked. She decided to stop being a social shut in and go to Nando’s.

“MUMMY TAKE ME TO NANDO’S!” She shouted to her mother.

“NO YOU BITCH!” She shouted back. BT was angry. She transformed into her DEMIN FORME and implored her mother to reconsider.

And it goes without saying that she did.

When they got to Nando’s, they got a table quickly, almost TOO quickly…

They both ordered half a chicken, and ate.

BT had to use the bathroom half way through, and left to do so.

When she got to the bathroom however, she saw someone who she feared more than anyone. Another one of her kind. A TROLL. Even though she calls herself a demon and is technically half human. But more specifically, this particular troll happened to be Eridan Hipster Sweggy Ampora.

“ERIDAN, WHY YO BE GETTIN’ YO BITCH ASS INTO NANDO’S? THIS PLACE BE SACRED YO. UNLIKE DAT SANCTITY OF MARRIGE ACT. WHY DEH FOOK U BE SNOOPIN’ IN DA GURLS BATHROOM? THIS BE FOSAKIN’ YO MASCULINITY YO.”

“DIS PLACE BE SACRED. TO TEHHH ILLUMINATE!” Dun, dun DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!

The Illuminati again? Really? Wow. This is just like that one gaming channel that does the same content over and over again, but still has millions of subscribers. Fucking.Incredible.

“I AM THY LAWD AND SAVIOUR. TEHH ILLUMINATE OVERLOAD!” Wait, Eridan was the leader of the Illuminati? What about Gamzee and all dem motherfuckers?

“CAN WE STOP TALKING IN ALL CAPS NOW!?” BT says.

“KAY DEN.” Eridan says.

“YOU WILL NEVER FIND THE FUCKIN’ STASH OF CHICKEN PORN!” He says as he disappears using science magic or whatever the fuck it is.

“YOU DIDN’T STOP SPEAKING IN ALL CAPS!” BT shouts.

Suddenly, she spots a poster. One that says:

‘Totally not a secret bestiality operation going on behind here.’

She tears the poster off of the wall, and a vault is revealed. Why the fuck would this be in the girls bathroom, one of the most accessible places in the whole fucking restaurant? She didn’t have any fucking idea TBH.

She opened it using her hell669 powars and immediately heard the sounds of chickens clucking.

Was this about to turn into some sort of shitty FNAF parody? No. It wasn’t. This was much worse.

Burning was shocked by what she saw. Chickens being fucked to death by naked ugly men who clearly didn’t get paid enough for their job. Or maybe they were the customers, she didn’t know.

She had to shut this down, quick.

She used her dubstep gun to kill all of the humans, as she hated them, and used the powers of random shit to transfer the chickens back to the farm they came from. Which in hindsight was a pretty shit idea, considering the fact they would probably never be the same again, and they were probably kept in cages, and they would probably be killed again.

But that didn’t matter. What mattered was blowing up this motherfucker.

Burning crafts TNT and blows the Nando’s up, MLG airhorns, and Gamzee’s honks could be heard as the place burned to the ground. She managed to save her mum though.

“DRIVE THE FUCKING CAR.” Burning shouts.

“K.” her mum says, as they floor it down the motorway, and make it safely home. The internet was working again. Which meant that gay porn was available. Best day of BT’s life.

But, Eridan was still alive, and would strike again.

If there’s one thing BurningTorrent realised that day, it was that she was becoming a vegetarian. And that chickens make terrible fuck boys.